Where to begin…I’m Pregnant! This is the first pregnancy I didn’t jump for joy and scream it to the world the second I found out. That is because I joined a special group, one that no one ever wants to be in. I joined the many woman who have suffered a miscarriage. Not only was I hit with one emotional turmoil, but within one year I suffered two early miscarriages. Boy did that take a tole on my heart. We went through a few tests to make sure it was safe to continue to try and conceive, all the results came back great. Regardless of the positive results I made a decision to put getting pregnant on hold for a year. I wanted to take time to do something that I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the courage. Here I am and have started my own website as a food blogger. Enjoying every step being so excited and overjoyed with the fun of this project, I was in complete shock to find out one month into it I was pregnant. Wanting to be excited, but I just couldn’t. I had just started a pretty time consuming project that I was loving. Also I was scared, I couldn’t endure another miscarriage, my heart just can’t take anymore loss….
I’m defiantly a homebody, preferring to stay home and watch movies at night over going out. I have always been this way for as long as I can remember. Some of the greatest memories I have were from my child hood, being at home. The simple moments are sometimes the best and we all tend to overwhelm ourselves with personal outings and get togethers instead of just being in the moment. Making “Being in The Moment” my personal goal. Maxwells mommy is no good to him if she’s always overwhelmed with the next thing to do, or no time to enjoy being together because we have over scheduled ourselves with people and places to visit. “No!” I am going to try and make being home as important to my children as being out in the world. Everything is about balance and finding your happy! My happy is home….
For some of you reading this you already know of my first son Patryk, that tragically passed at the young age of five. Some how I wanted to write about and share beautiful stories of him as I naturally would if talking to a friend. Every time I sat down to write this I was not sure when it would be the right time or would it ever. That is because as the years have gone by, the conversations about Patryk have become shorter and less often. I think about him everyday, multiple times a day, but for most it has become a topic that can cause a reaction of sadness….
I was the kid in school who always received C’s for any paper I wrote, even when trying my best. I also suffer from anxiety that is paralyzing at times to move forward in unknown territory. My anxiety is something I’ve been learning to deal with my entire life, the things I’m excited for tend to bring on the most anxiety. Anyone suffering knows that it’s not going to magically disappear one day, it’s about learning control. All I can do is learn how to handle my anxiety so that it doesn’t control me. I need to get out of my head and push through my fears. So here I am, Scared to blog, a lover of food and wanting to share. Did I mention I’m a computer dummy…
I am ready to give my dream a shot whether I pass or fail. So as scared as I am typing this, I’m going to hit post because I want this more than I want fear!
Trina Marie ♡♡♡